A Duel of Words
by cantdueldontaskme
Summary: HUMOR ONE SHOT at least an attempt at it. Seto, Yugi, Tea & Joey are having a duel and no one can speak unless they quote movie lines. R&R please. Lock if this a violation and I will delete.


_Disclaimer: I do not own any copyrights, trademarks or registry of Yu-Gi-Oh or any of the movies cited below. (sigh)_

_If this is a "published works" violation, please lock and I will delete._

**A DUEL OF WORDS**

For those of you just joining us, a four-way duel is about to begin. Don't ask how we got these four together, because it really doesn't matter. So there! Each duelist chose 6 new packs of Duel Monsters cards and one hour to choose their 40 cards and create their strategy. Life points will be set at 2000, non-sacrificial rules, and your monsters cannot attack your opponents directly, unless it is the creature's special ability. Most importantly, the duelists are NOT allowed to speak unless they use quotes from movies. Our announcer will start us off …

"We have so much time, and so little to do! Strike that, reverse it." (Willy Wonka & The Chocolate Factory) "Let's duel!" (Yu-Gi-Oh)

Yugi looked at Kaiba, raised his eyebrows and said, "So, we meet for the first time for the last time." (Spaceballs)

Kaiba just rolled his eyes, looked at the announcer and said, "Can we take a direct flight back to reality or do we have to change planes in Denver?" (The Santa Clause). The foursome drew their hands and looked thoroughly disgusted, except for Téa since any new cards were better than the old pitiful deck she had at home.

Joey, with a frown on his face, said, "What is all this WahWah?" (My Science Project)

Kaiba, looking at Joey with amusement, said "Must be a daisy of a hand." (Tombstone)

Joey looked at Yugi, "You want to go first?"

"No, I don't want to go first."

"Okay, I'll go first."

"No, I don't want to go second." (Air America combo)

**ROUND 1**

Kaiba drew, ending the argument, and put a card face down and so, as Téa was sitting on Kaiba's left, it was her turn.

"They're heeeerrrrre." (Poltergeist) Téa said as she put down Gray Wing (1300/700) in Attack Mode.

Joey glared at Kaiba for going first. "I'll get you – and your little hand too." (Addams Family Values)

Kaiba yawned and said, "Nice doggy; go play!" (Secondhand Lions) Joey grumped and played Maryokutai (900/900) in Attack Mode.

Yugi smirked, and put Prickle Fairy (300/2000) down in Attack Mode and another card face down.

Joey looked at him and said "Surely you can't be serious."

Yugi smiled and responded, "I am serious, and don't call me Shirley." (Airplane combo)

**ROUND 2**

Kaiba studied his cards, put out Winged Dragon, Guardian of the Fortress (1400/1200) in Attack Mode and said, "I have a dragon here and I'm not afraid to use it! (Shrek) Then Kaiba attacked Yugi's Prickle Fairy and Yugi's Spellbinding Circle activated.

Téa smiled evilly as she drew. She turned Grey Wing to Defense Mode and brought out her The Creator Incarnate (1600/1500), attacked Kaiba's Winged Dragon and took him down 200 Life Points. She gloated to Yugi, "Sometimes you have to SLAP them in the face, just to get their attention." (Scrooged)

"I love you." Yugi looked at her with adoration.

"I know." She said with a flip of her hair. (StarWars: Return of the Jedi combo)

Joey's turn was to play Kaiser Seahorse (1700/1650) in Attack Mode and switch his Maryokutai into Defense Mode and he said to Kaiba, "I can't lie to you about your chances, but … you have my sympathies." (Alien)

Kaiba gave Joey "the look" and said, "Every time I see your face, I want to rip your throat out." (Absolute Power) Joey then attacked Téa's The Creator Incarnate and took 100 Life Points from her.

Yugi took his next card, set a card face down, played Freed the Brave Wanderer (1700/1200) in Attack Mode and switched his Prickle Fairy into Defense Mode. He attacked Joey's Maryokutai and sent it to the graveyard. He then looked at Kaiba, tapped his face down card, and said, "I guess everyone's entitled to one good scare." (Halloween)

Kaiba was not pleased, "Are you trying to be insulting or merely stupid?" (Shadowlands)

**ROUND 3**

Kaiba drew his card, laid one card face down and a card face down in Defense Mode.

"I'm not all peaches and cream, you know, I do have a dark side, and it's not pretty!" (Bedazzled) Téa said smugly as she drew her next card. She then played Lesser Fiend (2100/1000) and attacked Kaiba's defense card. This activated his Man-Eater Bug's flip effect and Lesser Fiend was sent to the Graveyard. Téa pounded on the table in frustration.

Joey drew and put one card face down and the Vampire Lord (2000/1500) in Attack Mode.

Kaiba couldn't resist, "There are worse things out tonight than vampires."

"Oh yeah? Like what?"

"Me." (Blade combo) and Kaiba flipped his trap Type Zero Magic Crusher and discarded a Spell card from his hand. Joey's Life Points went down by 500.

"That's the last time I leave you in charge!" (The Lost World – Jurassic Park) Yugi said to Joey.

Kaiba growled at Yugi, "You're not in charge here, Shorty. I am!" (Willow)

"Why'd he call me Shorty?" Yugi looked at Joey in confusion.

"'Cause you're small. Small. S-M-all." (The Cannonball Run combo)

"Ooohhhh, that's not right!" (Galaxy Quest) said Téa as she covered her mouth to hide her laughter.

A smile was trying to work its way onto Kaiba's face, but Joey ruined that by having his Kaiser Seahorse attack Kaiba's Man-Eater Bug. Joey then took out Téa's Grey Wing with his Vampire Lord.

Yugi drew his next card, put down Neo the Magic Swordsman in Attack Mode and attacked Joey's Kaiser Seahorse with his Neo the Magic Swordsman.

**ROUND 4**

Kaiba's smirk let everyone know his new card was a good one – Kazejin (2400/2200), which he played in Attack Mode. He then took out Joey's Vampire Lord and Joey's Life Points went down by 400 this time. "I'm not bad, I'm just drawn that way." (Who Framed Roger Rabbit)

Téa drew and played her Chaos Command Magician (2400/1900) against Kaiba's Kazejin, but was thwarted by Kazejin's special ability – her attack had no effect. "Ohhhh, shiiiiiii-take mushrooms!" (SpyKids), Téa looked ready to cry.

Joey's turn consisted of casting Poison of the Old Man and he chose Kaiba's Life Points instead of restoring his own and then he placed Worm Drake in Defense Mode. "Don't you know that revenge is a dish best served cold." (Star Trek II – The Wrath of Kahn)

"Stupid is as stupid does." (Forrest Gump), Kaiba retorted.

Yugi, with a smug look on his face, said, "Sometimes when the little guy doesn't know he's the little guy, he can do great big things." (Seabiscuit) as he played his Dark Magician and attacked Kaiba's Kazejin.

Kaiba didn't seem too concerned about the appearance of the Dark Magician. "You see? You can make a good decision when you try." (Batman), then Kaiba cast his Mask of Weakness and Yugi took 600 Life Points of damage.

Yugi glared at him and said, "Now you've really pissed me off." (Action Jackson)

**ROUND 5**

Kaiba ignored him and drew his next card. He was watching Joey through slitted eyes. He cast his own Poison of the Old Man on Joey's Life Points (now at 500), then cast Swords of Revealing Light and attacked Yugi's Prickle Fairy.

Téa had been moping while waiting for her turn, but, when she had her new card, she got excited. She cast Final Destiny and discarded her hand of five cards. Every card was pulled off the field and sent to the Graveyard. She looked up at her opponents and was shocked at the looks she got.

Yugi said sarcastically, "I wanna be just like you. I figure all I need is a lobotomy and some tights." (Breakfast Club)

Joey said in exasperation, "You are a total, total … a word has yet to be invented to describe how totally whatever-it-is you are, but you are one. And a total, total one at that." (Red Dwarf)

Kaiba said calmly but with fire in his eyes, "Have you always been this stupid or did you take lessons?" (The Long Kiss Goodnight)

Téa looked at each one of them in turn, looked at the Life Points Score (Kaiba 1000; Téa 1900; Yugi 1400; Joey 500) and realized that she now had no friends in the room. "I have a bad feeling about this." (Star Wars: A New Hope)

The boys all looked at each other and came to a mutual agreement. Joey put Ryu-Kishin Powered (1600/1200) in Defense Mode, Yugi put Stone Ogre Grotto (1600/1500) in Defense Mode and one card face down.

**ROUND 6**

Kaiba put Shining Abyss (1600/1800) in Defense Mode and one card face down.

Téa looked at the field with concern and Kaiba said, "I think she is starting to suspect something." (What Lies Beneath)

She then put Woodborg Impachi (500/2500) down in Defense Mode. She looked at the boys with defiance and said, "Go ahead, make my day." (Dirty Harry)

"As you wish." (Princess Bride) said Joey with a grin as he pulled his next card. Yugi activated his trap, Ojama Trio, and put three Ojama tokens (0/100) in Defense Mode on Téa's side of the field. Kaiba cast his Zero Gravity and all monsters switched their battle positions. Joey's Ryu-Kishin Powered then attacked one of the tokens as they were now defenseless.

Yugi also drew, then attacked one of the tokens with his Stone Ogre Grotto. He looked at Téa, whose Life Points were now zero, and said, "So why don't you make like a tree and get outta here." (Back to the Future)

Téa stood up and stormed off saying, "These guys are about as fun as a tax audit." (The Abyss)

**ROUND 7**

Kaiba then drew, changed Shining Abyss back to defense mode and put down Kiryu (2000/1500) in Attack Mode, then Kaiba turned his newly summoned monster on Joey and took his Life Points to zero.

Kaiba: singing "I'm looking ov-er my dead dog Ro-ver." (My Step-Mother is an Alien)

Joey looked daggers at Kaiba and said, "You are evil, and you must be destroyed." (Steel Magnolias) He looked at Yugi and Yugi nodded. Joey went and sat next to Téa.

Yugi looked into Kaiba's bored eyes. "Thus far, you have been adrift in the sheltered harbor of my patience." (Lilo & Stitch), he said as he drew. He then put two cards face down and a monster card face down in Defense Mode.

**ROUND 8**

One side of Kaiba's mouth stretched up into a half smile as he said, "Let the mayhem begin." (Tomorrow Never Dies) He also placed one monster card face down and cast Dian Keto the Cure Master to increase his Life Points back to 2000. He then attacked Yugi's Stone Ogre Grotto and it went to the Graveyard. Yugi's Life Points went down by 400.

Yugi drew his card and said, "There is a time for daring and a time for caution, and a wise man knows which is called for." (Dead Poet Society), then flipped his defense card, Maha Vaila (1550/1400), to Attack Mode and equipped it with the Rod of the Mind's Eye. Maha Vailo's attack went to 2050 and Yugi attacked Kaiba's Kiryu. The effect of the Rod increased the damage to Kaiba's Life Points from 50 to 1000.

As Kaiba's Life Points dropped to 1000, his face became a mask of rage and he yelled, "I have had enough of YOU!" (Star Trek III - Search for Spock)

Yugi then activated his Ceasefire trap and caused Kaiba's Sangan of the Thunder (2600/2200) to be exposed and took 500 more Life Points from him. "What's the matter, Mr. Grumpy Gills." (Finding Nemo)

**ROUND 9**

Kaiba pulled his next card. "Naked force has resolved more issues throughout history than any other factor." (Starship Troopers), he said as he switched his Sanga to Attack Mode and attacked Yugi's Maha Vailo. Yugi was now at 450 Life Points.

As Yugi pulled his next card, he gave an audible sigh of relief and cast Fissure. Sanga went to the Graveyard. Yugi then put Red Archery Girl (1400/1500) in Defense Mode. Yugi decided to needle Kaiba and said, "You are an incredibly sensitive man who inspires joy joy feelings in all those around you." (The Demolition Man)

The needling worked and Kaiba glowered at Yugi and said, "Assassination is the highest form of public service." (Remo Williams: The Adventure Begins...)

**ROUND 10**

It was now Kaiba's turn. He drew and cast Fairy Meteor Crush, activated his Curse of Aging, then changed Shining Abyss into Attack Mode, attacked Yugi's Red Archery Girl and took Yugi's Life Points to zero. "How odd that it should end this way for us after so many stimulating encounters. I almost regret it. Where shall I find a new adversary so close to my own level?"

Yugi smirked at Kaiba and said, "Try the local sewer." (Raiders of the Lost Ark combo).

The announcer got between the boys before Kaiba could rip Yugi's head off and said, "That was totally wicked!" (Incredibles)

Kaiba glared at the announcer and said, "This conversation can serve no purpose anymore. Goodbye." (2001 – A Space Odyssey) and he walked out and the rest of them did likewise.

END -


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